Blooms that Signal End of Winters

January to March in Delhi. After several years. This deserves a post. 

I recall clearly, for fourteen years, I walked daily towards the school building through the Semal-tree lined street. So I can claim to know something about them. I find these trees fascinating. They have a personality. I've noticed Gulmohars thinning across the city, but Semals I find dominating still. I know of people who find Gulmohars useless. Though they have nice flowers like the Semal, they cannot match the utilitarian qualities that Semuls possess. Plus many of our neighbors find the Gulmohur tree messy due to their heavy shedding of leaves (gone are the days of tree-huggers). Did you know almost everything that the Semul produces has a use to humans especially in Ayurveda? The bark contains tannic acid, which is great for skin burns (not that I tried it). Then you have semul pillows from this silk-cotton tree (which are comfy, I testify). Anyhow, more about the trees below. Bet you've noticed the beautiful tree:

These tropical trees commonly known as 'semal' (taxonomically known as "Bombax Ceiba") have many peculiar things about them. They look like ordinary trees all the year round, but they really are the harbingers of the summer to spring transition. This tree, has a lot to say when it blooms in early spring: it is fiery, flamboyant, showy and the rest of the year it is your humble and ordinary roadside tree.Embodies the spirit of  'carpe diem' in my opinion.

Their flowers though flaming red, lack any appealing smell to humans. Here you can see them with the autumn leaves. At a point in time, the Semal tree will be bereft of  the green leaves and will just have these magnificent red flowers. And then as the nature's laws prevail, the flowers will give way to fruits.

So, a bit later in the year they will have huge pod like fruits, which fall down with a thud and are full of seeds, ensconced in very soft cotton silk. This silk is often used as pillow filling. Hopefully I should have pictures to add then. 

In Retro: Women's Day Musings from 2009

An aquarium full of Piranhas: Jam-packed ladies compartment in mumbai’s local train at 6pm or a chartered bus service that starts from Delhi’s Nehru Place. A dabba full of women coming back from work – aggressive, verbose and unforgiving if you end up stepping on their feet.

I am part of the milling crowd and have often hated being in such situations. I try to see the colorful side:  the smiles on the faces of chattering women, those looking at their mobiles and smiling softly maybe upon reading a funny SMS and those peering to enjoy the window scenes. I try to belong somewhere; restlessly I shuffle and wait for my destination.

A couple of women vendors break my meditative state: one sells junk jewelry and other vegetables. Some passengers haggle, some succumb and others are nonchalant. I wonder: where’s the divide? We are all careerists- from sabziwalli to the IT consultant.

I recall words from a woman who made it big in the corporate world and appeared on the TV to sum up her journey as “Blood, sweat and tears.” Another dedicated her success to her husband and her in-laws who were “very cooperative and let her do whatever she wanted”. “Let her do?” struck me. “Whatever she wanted” struck me harder.

It struck me the same way as this other random incident.

Lunchtime. A senior VP opens his lunch box, sniffs the ghar ka khaana and remarks “This is the benefit of a housewife.” Another colleague remarks “mine makes me work hard to put the food on the table.” Laughter followed between them. I was an eavesdropper unable to see any humor in this situation.

The stories are situational, yet so similar. The career of a woman is everyone’s call in an Indian setup, not just hers. In the lower strata she works out of economic compulsions, in the middle class usually because she wants to assert her independence and in the upper class as a jolly pastime.  In all cases usually for the same reason as a man works: respect but she can’t say it. She can’t say that her career is one important aspect in her life. Not the only one, but vital. If she does, she risks a lot of stereotypes: “money minded”, “fast” and “selfish”. Dangerous tags.

Whether she chooses career or home or chooses between the either- it’s a decision that she has a right to take. In either case she is often swimming upstream. She has choices and she is thinking about everyone she loves when she takes them. Let’s not be judgmental about them.

This women’s day I’d like to something to men: don’t compete with women when it comes to career. Don’t judge us according to what suits you. We are just like you but we are not playing soccer you see. We have our body clocks to deal with and we want to make your life better. We will cope with all that crap but don’t give us additional burden. Let’s coexist like Adam and Eve and enjoy fruits of labour.  

This was written and published for my friend  Sneha's initiative, Sa, in 2009. 

The Fault in Our Stars: Book Review

                                                                                                       Image from Wikimapia.

Let me make a confession. I do not believe in providence, fate, or destiny. I do not believe there is a divine roadmap, administered by an imaginary entity up away in the sky. But I surrender to the earthly reality that there are inexplicable chain reactions which make life funny, weird, ironical and entirely endearing. This book landed with me to contemplate about these profound matters, and how they all come about in my own life through this book, a birthday gift (that is itself a legend for an apt hour).

So, just when I was getting lost in humdrum, I was rescued by the author John Green and Shakespeare (who wrote the philosophical underpinning of this book-“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars / But in ourselves”).  However, what happens if that fault is not ours, but of a biological curse like cancer? The protagonists in Green’s book are counting their days while battling the deadly disease and face glimmer of hope in a unique and heart-rending love story. 

But you would argue that every love story is unique, with its own trial and tribulations. And I realized this one, with Hazel Grace and Augustus Waters deserves to be told like it is. Simply because it is refreshing to know believers in the power of love exist (even as figments of Green’s imagination).

Consider these lines, which really attempt to capture the ferocity of the emotion that does not spare anyone: the rich, poor, old, young, ailing or dying.

“I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.”

There is angst, there is passion, excitement, and feeling of uncertainty in love, but hope overtakes it all.  And these feelings must be shared with the one who is the reason for this mania. This is the key takeaway for me in this book.

Then there are what I call ‘slice of life’ moments in the book, where I felt “Oh, it’s not fiction, this is so true!” and "this is lightness".

“Look, let me just say it: He was hot. A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . well.”

Green says so much even when he decides to put a full-stop. Most of his sentences are loaded with poignancy and wisdom.  Sample this: “Maybe 'okay' will be our 'always”.

Augustus Waters is easily able to take over the book, thanks to his thoughtfulness and positivity even at the zenith of ailment.

“Oh, I’m grand.” Augustus Waters smiled with a corner of his mouth. “I’m on a roller coaster that only goes up, my friend.”

And another point in the book, when I literally shut my eyes to enable my entire consciousness to reboot, here Waters is in pain but still faces sympathy for the devil and confesses oh-ever-so positively: “Even cancer isn't a bad guy really: Cancer just wants to be alive.”

The writer pens the plot through cancer survivor, Hazel Grace, who honestly could rise through a Judy Blume book, but is a thousand times stoic, mature and believable. What interested me about her character is that she is so curious and has the admirable zest for life to experience as much positivity in her tragedy. Augustus obviously fits in her life like a missing jigsaw puzzle piece. But only momentarily. For which you, the reader, is bound to feel a lump in your throat. 

And what they do to keep going when nothing does, Hazel is infected with Augustus’ positivity drug. So when Augustus says “I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up,"; Hazel retorts: "And it is my privilege and my responsibility to ride all the way up with you"

How authentically profound and as you go through the book, you realize they really mean what they say here. You, the reader, also feel happy for them.

Another point which struck me about the book is how it reinforces the fact that our parents did the best they could. Love again drove the buggy. Both Grace and Waters’ parents have a brilliant centrality in the story. Van Houten, another brilliantly constructed main character, faces parenting pangs too.   In between their own trials, the book has some amazing parenting lessons as hidden gems.

“Make memories with your kid or kids so that someday he or she or they will look into the backyard and feel the ache of sentimentality as desperately as I did this afternoon. It's all fragile and fleeting, dear reader, but with this swing set, your child(ren) will be introduced to the ups and downs of human life gently and safely, and may also learn the most important lesson of all: No matter how hard you kick, no matter how high you get, you can't go all the way around.”

I’d say, it is the best book I have read in 2012 AND 2013 :)

And as a befitting tail ender, let me use a quote from Green’s book and thank the one who deserves to be thanked for introducing me to this book and beginning this utterly wonderful chain reaction. “You are so busy being you that you have no idea how utterly unprecedented you are.”

Moving Advice by An Experienced Urban Gypsy

I think I am in a fairly good position to write this post now, considering that in almost a span of two years, I moved to three major cities. So, here it goes, in the voice of a fairly experienced and self-proclaimed moving consultant.

The Decision to Move : This may be the toughest call and the beginning of this new dilemma, it may be externally imposed but the hardest part is to uproot yourself and your loved ones and detach from what has now become familiar . But this move business could be also seen as a chance to start a new life and explore new places, or possibly a step closer to get back to your family or “feel settled”. 

What to Move: Usually you’ve got to think about Family, pets and items (vehicles, valuables, documents, furniture, appliances)… Crucially, think about your family first…will they move with you? Earlier? Later? With you? Ensuring that their timing is appropriate is a bumpy chapter in itself. 

As a general rule, the higher the value of the items, the more you need to plan to move earlier. Vehicles are another major worry. If you are moving in drivable distance, you can just use your vehicle.

Also, think about how you will manage during the days you will not have access to these “big ticket items”.

Try and carry valuables and documents with you.

Another major consideration is WHAT NOT TO MOVE: what to leave behind is a valid question you have to ask yourself and often to your family members. If you can sell/donate/dispose any items, please do have a plan for it. To be honest, discarding items is a TOUGH decision for me. I am a collector. I like to store things. It is almost emotional for example to choose which clothes or books I really don’t want to take back. 

Big Decisions First:

It’s easier when you live in rented accommodation. You need to know the rent agreements end to end, what will happen if you breach them or if you need to make any contingent housing arrangements because of some duration of unavailability of housing. You will also need to investigate if your employer or future employer is bearing a part of the cost of the move, if yes, what are the terms (sometimes they may even have a bond agreement). Please check with your family members about this as well. It may be possible that moving may be a wee bit convenient if a part of cost is being shared.

Achtung! There may be indirect costs involved as well for example, family occasions, unpaid leaves or opportunity costs in terms of a lucrative business prospect which may have to be postponed because you are planning for a move.

On finances, liquidity is important even if you are expecting some part of your expenses to be met later: Airtickets, foregone rent, advance payments for the new accommodation can squeeze your wallet in unimaginable ways.

 

Enjoying the Last Weeks in City:  Even the thought of moving maybe stressful sometimes and rightly so. The anxiety of a new life in a new place or getting back to your past could be mentally tiring. I always make a list of things I planned to do or people I planned to meet during my stay and couldn’t. This is my list of to-dos for the remaining period. I find it a bit of escape from the humdrum to try and follow this list and meet friends. 

3 Weeks Before You Move:

Inform your landlords, bosses & families about the impending move. In some cases, Landlords may take the lead and inform you when you have to empty the place.

Prepare a checklist of all the items you need to move. Be on the lookout for a moving agency if the quantum is great, you have the cash and/ or you want to be hassle-free. You have a choice of local (make sure they operate in your destination!) or national movers (they are expensive, and service levels differ hugely). You may need to send them dimensions of items before you get a quote, some even need pictures, it’s a good idea to keep these ready to get estimates. Though Justdial and other such services are good to get contacted by several movers at once, you don’t want to be spending time just attending their calls.  Depending on how quick you have to move (I am assuming here you have the luxury of 3 weeks), spend your energy shopping as it is quite a high involvement decision. In general, I do not like to spend this time just hunting for movers and I used GATI, their service is really no-frills but you should just thank them that the goods arrived. I would never trust them with big-ticket items. Since you have the luxury of time, keep an eye on your friends or family who will be travelling to your destination, sending them a few semi-useless items you won’t need for the next 3 weeks may be a good decision. Just make sure they are REALLY good friends. 

2 Weeks before You Move:

Ok, let’s be fair, you have 2 weekends, not really 2 weeks. In my honest opinion, you should ready to move. Make sure you pay your bills for the month, your bai, inform your local mates. You may want to organize a farewell party and invite yourself and your buddies. If you are popular obviously they will throw you one. If you did not get invited to one yet, it’s time for some initiative.

You may need to buy new luggage. Start sorting out stuff you would need for the last week and pack them in smaller travel bags. Start hunting for cartons and packing material, strings and tapes. Stash items you won’t need for the last 2 weeks. Come on, you can do without that hair dryer. And, I hope you got your own tickets ready. You are THE PACKET!

1 Week Before You Move:

Negotiate with your landlord about last month’s rent, any advances he/she owes you. Right time!

A week is enough for any cheque to materialize or reach your doorstep. I’ve seen people rushing things at the end, and the landlords get nasty or get away with rightful amounts. 

Discuss with movers about the date you want them to execute the move. Inform all concerned about of your final departure date and time.  

Reserve things that you would need during the next 2-3 weeks while you settle to another place, these will be the essentials and should not be packed off.

A huge pain point is excess food. It may be stored food, leftovers, refrigerated stuff and other random supplies. You would need to plan for its consumption/disposal/donation/ packing.

3 days before you move:

Warning bell if you are still sleeping on your bed? I mean, is your bed still around? No, last 3 days are like camping if you own the bedding. Make a list of bags/cartons/items with some unique identifiers. Put a sticker on each of them mentioning your name, number, destination or permanent address. Pack up!

THE MOVE: Prefer a weekend. You can ask your friends to help you move and treat them to lunch when you all are done. Double check whether the number of cartons tally. Most movers will not weigh the packages but go by volume. That’s fine, as long as you know what logic they will use to determine what they charge you. Do not pay the complete amount to your mover. Only an advance amount may be required. Again, did you double check if anything remains? Don’t forget to say goodbyes and thank you to those who deserve. 

Moving On: Welcome to a new life! It may take you several weeks before you feel fully unpacked and settled. Receiving your luggage, finding suitable and relatively permanent accommodation, getting used to new routes, people… getting used to new comfort zones, this will all take time and patience. Once reasonably tucked in, you will have to inform several people of your new coordinates: new phone numbers, addresses and such like. You will have to write to your bank and work about these changes. Funny thing is you may have to inform different divisions in your bank about this change: at the branch, for credit or debit cards, then change it on the internet banking site (we so need cloud computing!). Here’s the good part about moving on: it’s going to be worth all your efforts :) 

And here goes the last piece of advice, do throw in a housewarming party, if possible invite me and thank me for all the well-meaning advice :)