An aquarium full of Piranhas: Jam-packed
ladies compartment in mumbai’s local train at 6pm or a chartered bus service that
starts from Delhi’s Nehru Place. A dabba full
of women coming back from work – aggressive, verbose and unforgiving if you end
up stepping on their feet.
I am part of the milling crowd and
have often hated being in such situations. I try to see the colorful side: the smiles on the faces of chattering women,
those looking at their mobiles and smiling softly maybe upon reading a funny
SMS and those peering to enjoy the window scenes. I try to belong somewhere;
restlessly I shuffle and wait for my destination.
A couple of women vendors break my
meditative state: one sells junk jewelry and other vegetables. Some passengers
haggle, some succumb and others are nonchalant. I wonder: where’s the divide? We
are all careerists- from sabziwalli to the IT consultant.
I recall words from a woman who
made it big in the corporate world and appeared on the TV to sum up her journey
as “Blood, sweat and tears.” Another dedicated her success to her husband and
her in-laws who were “very cooperative and let her do whatever she wanted”. “Let
her do?” struck me. “Whatever she wanted” struck me harder.
It struck me the same way as this
other random incident.
Lunchtime. A senior VP opens his
lunch box, sniffs the ghar ka khaana and
remarks “This is the benefit of a housewife.” Another colleague remarks “mine
makes me work hard to put the food on the table.” Laughter followed between
them. I was an eavesdropper unable to see any humor in this situation.
The stories are situational, yet so
similar. The career of a woman is everyone’s call in an Indian setup, not just
hers. In the lower strata she works out of economic compulsions, in the middle
class usually because she wants to assert her independence and in the upper
class as a jolly pastime. In all cases
usually for the same reason as a man works: respect but she can’t say it. She
can’t say that her career is one important aspect in her life. Not the only
one, but vital. If she does, she risks a lot of stereotypes: “money minded”,
“fast” and “selfish”. Dangerous tags.
Whether she chooses career or home
or chooses between the either- it’s a decision that she has a right to take. In
either case she is often swimming upstream. She has choices and she is thinking
about everyone she loves when she takes them. Let’s not be judgmental about
them.
This women’s day I’d like to
something to men: don’t compete with women when it comes to career. Don’t judge
us according to what suits you. We are just like you but we are not playing
soccer you see. We have our body clocks to deal with and we want to make your
life better. We will cope with all that crap but don’t give us additional burden.
Let’s coexist like Adam and Eve and enjoy fruits of labour.
This was written and published for my friend Sneha's initiative, Sa, in 2009.
2 comments:
Very interesting blog!! Its to the point and surprisingly grounded, and I say this because this time around Women's Day we've been showered with may articles...most of which fly high above and beyond...without making any connection to LIFE. We need a little truth, a slight shove, a little self introspection along with seeing how we - 'women' let the world around us govern our desires and dreams. More often than not, we don't even realize it ourselves that we are inviting instructions and dictations. For starters, I admit I am guilty of this at times.
We have heard it so often that Charity begins at home, from local to global... Well why not the same thing with Change?? Let's begin with ourselves, our families, our friends.
It saddens me that such an appeal is required. In the rigmarole of daily life the vast majority of us do not think of such things, we assume everything is fine and dandy. Every once in a while, there's an ugly incident, something that disturbs the cocoon that we live in. What is truly unfortunate is that these incidents are too frequent to be counted as one-off or outliers and that there is yet a long way to go.
I like the flow, the way this post starts and continues and flows. It is personal and yet rational. Heartfelt and yet logical. Soulful and yet well-thought-out.
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